is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
