i need an iv and a liver transplant
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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