TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
