I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
