i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
