He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
