hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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