then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
