dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
