can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
