Do vagina's smell?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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