I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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