There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
