I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
