he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
