my being single is dangerous.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
