I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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