This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
