He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
