He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
