Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
