you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
