So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
