just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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