yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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