There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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