I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
