i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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