the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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