what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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