You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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