This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
