i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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