I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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