for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
