dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
