I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
