Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
