the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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