evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
