I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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