yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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