Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
A+ Viking dick
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