Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
