NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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