We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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