VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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