you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
