highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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