Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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