So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dicks are not precious.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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