If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
