that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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