I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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