I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
