dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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