So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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