Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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